He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
