So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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