I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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