A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
