I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
