you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
