I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
