she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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