in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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