apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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