I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
