I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
