i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
