I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
