Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
