ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
