How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
