the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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