Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
