I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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