New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
