just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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