At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
