What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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