those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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