ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
