tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
