did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
