we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
