I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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