if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
