I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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