Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
