Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
