please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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