I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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