it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
