oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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