No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
