i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
