So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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