with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
