Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
