Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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