having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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