I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
