maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
