Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
