I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
