Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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