I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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