If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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