on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
