The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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