he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
